To Stop Being a Victim You Need to find the Strongest Version of Yourself

Sometimes the strongest version is also the darkest. When you’re aware of both you become empowered.

I said what I said.

It’s okay to ooze confidence. It’s okay to stop smiling when you don’t feel like it, stop laughing at those uncomfortable jokes. Look them up and down, hold your head up, and strut away. Your side-eye alone should say, you wouldn’t dare.

You’ve got to reach into your “I could never do that” audacity and let her fight for you.

Look in the mirror and shatter everything you’re pretending to be. Unleash the over-the-top, picky, judgmental, arrogant, delusional, type A, passionate, vulnerable woman you’re ashamed of.

It’s not about faking it. You don’t have to stop being nice. Be selective.

The strongest version of yourself puts the priority on your well-being and happiness.

The strongest version of yourself recognizes your value. It surrounds itself with environments, thoughts, and people that support that.

The strongest version of yourself recognizes the way you self sabotage- how your actions don’t line up with your long-term goals. It doesn’t beat itself up. It’s the fight in you.

The dark places in you are where shame hides. Shame is a mix of self-hate, regret, and disgrace. It’s where the emotions you were told are “wrong” live.

Things like hate, jealousy, sexuality, lust, envy, and greed. All of those emotions have a purpose. They let you see different aspects of who you are and what you’re capable of.

You can’t strive to be better if you don’t know the hidden parts of who you are and how you feel.

When you accept the traits you want but ignore the traits you don’t- you fragment. You cause confusion in your mind and body.

Your “negative” traits help you survive. They bring you closer to the life you really want.

Maybe you’re jealous of your friend’s weight loss because deep down you want to be healthy.

It’s the part that, should you become trapped, will claw its way out.

Raise hell.

This is your life we’re talking about.

Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.- Matt 10:16

Plan. Be smart, cunning, vigilant. Watch patterns, observe behaviours. Cut threats out. Be everything you’re scared to be.

Being defenseless doesn’t make you good. Being dangerous but using it to make better choices makes you good.

The greatest weapon you will ever have is your choice.

“The only defense against violent, evil people are good people who are more skilled at violence.”- SGT Rory Miller

I’m tired of reading, and hearing about narcissists- people having an inflated sense of self. Let me be the narcissist for a while, heck give me attention. Shit.

I’m not saying this in disregard. I’m recovering from being a perpetual people pleaser. I lived in fear and anxiety. That is until I decided to find my power by being ruthless and fighting for my life- through resilience and building esteem.

The greatest lesson I learned was to take responsibility for my life.

You can’t passively wait to get your life back. You have to take it. You’ve got to stop giving people more power than they deserve. It’s not until they take and take, use and abuse, that you find the strength.

The strongest part of yourself, that darkest part, often comes right after your breaking point.

You need to be your greatest admiration and your most feared enemy. This is the beginning of shadow work.

Your shadow self holds deep-rooted belief systems carried in your conscious awareness. It usually involves childhood memories. Shadow work is exploring this hidden, often thought of as “bad” self.

You don’t need another 5 years of meditation. You don’t need to spend another $10,000 on a retreat.

It’s recognizing that you can take control of your thoughts and emotions.

Start by expressing how you feel,

Start by rejecting feelings of shame about yourself.

If you want to accept all parts of yourself. Read, The gifts of imperfection.

If you want to stop being fragmented, be whole, and stop hating yourself. Read, The dark side of the light chasers.


To find the strongest version of yourself you need to reach into dark places. The dark places help you to discover hidden, subconscious aspects that are preventing you from achieving your goals and fully loving yourself.

Your dark places might encourage you to explore childhood beliefs. To explore stories you heard about yourself that aren’t true.

You don’t have to accept shame around your thoughts and emotions. They’ve helped you survive but you don’t always have to be in fight mode.

It’s only by bringing them to light that you can truly stop being a victim, take control of your life, and decide who you want to be.


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