When your life didn’t turn out how you thought it would.
I’m working on a stress reduction e-book. The more I work on it, the more stressed and defeated I feel.
The feelings seemingly came out of nowhere. I have a few things on my mind, but my environmental stress is minimal. I have a job, I’m not starving, I have a quiet place that I don’t have to share with any extroverts. What’s my problem?
Have you ever felt sad for no reason?
You’re a beautiful soul. You aren’t sad for no reason, though it feels that way. You’re sad because even if your life is relatively stable- you’re not homeless on the streets- you’re told you should feel happy. But you feel the weight of a life bigger than your own. You feel an undertone of constant grief from pushing against the world.
Everything is a fight, not with guns but with your essence. You grasp to keep pieces of your soul, each day trying to grip tighter. You feel like a fraction of who you once were.
You see the emptiness behind people’s smile, you see the innocent child and think of their future of ups and downs.
No matter how happy you are as an adult freedom doesn’t feel the same as childhood, back then, you didn’t have a care- or bill payment in the world.
I guess that’s what the ancient Bible story means when it references the tree of life. A tree that held the power to know good and evil. When its fruit was eaten by Adam and Eve (who were newly created by God) their eyes were open. They weren’t carefree like children anymore.
Likewise, you no longer view the world through the eyes of a child, you have a sense of responsibility. You have a sense of right and wrong and sometimes seeing all the wrong makes you feel defeated.
You hear the buzz of the media, though you try to tune it out. You see more deaths from a pandemic sweeping the nation, you see increasing numbers of violence, racist attacks, and death.
Maybe being so aware, so well-read, so educated, or such a self-help enthusiast makes it worse. In theory, you can figure out how to be happy, and you have moments of genuine happiness. In fact, you have a bank of happy memories for the future.
You know you need to live life in the present, but there’s a nagging that says, “how long will the good times last?”
I guess that’s why they call you a dreamer.
This is for the people who dream too much, people with beautiful minds. You can’t be lied to. You think far beyond the moment because deep down you have hope that you can save yourself from your future.
You believe that you can save other people from their future. It’s like you’re living in a time warp. You keep jumping to the same timestamp trying to warn them, but you’re always too late.
You’re far from being sad for no reason. You’ve loved, mourned for love, and dreamt about love. Life didn’t turn out how you expected, but you’re still here, making the best of it.
You’re sad for many reasons that aren’t yours. You’re sad about the suffering, and deceit in the world. It’s an unknown longing that also brings an eerie sense of peace.
That’s why you’re complicated to understand, but I’ve never met anyone like you who wasn’t resilient.
You don’t have to drive the future of innovation. You don’t have to save the world, but you want to, not in a tycoon type of way, but from your place of understanding, a place of healing.
It’s different for straight A people, they see logic-they are good at completing projects and finding solutions. Some aren’t concerned about the abstract concepts that you are. Some aren’t feeling the emotions of hundreds of people. They execute because things need to get done.
You have a challenging time doing tasks that don’t have personal meaning or value. It’s difficult to carry out work you’re not passionate about.
I’m going to make it more complicated. What if you’re able to toggle between the two? No wonder you feel defeated.
You still strive for kindness when you have a plethora of reasons not to. You maintain your character, even though you seem like a ruff rider on the outside.
You are a survivor in a war that only a few can see. Many people think you’re losing, but you’re not fighting their war.
Don’t let defeat get you down, you have a warrior’s heart. A heart that values legacy, character, and truth. Success has a deeper meaning for you.
We often measure success by productivity, by doing, and constantly going. We have no time for stillness, and when there is, it brings anxiety. Stillness makes you painfully aware of the life you want, wish you had, and life you’re not even sure you want.
Some of us are stuck in stillness, some of us are stuck in productivity. Are we so different? One has a difficult time getting started, the other doesn’t know how to stop. Both slaves of not being good enough.
We aren’t sad for no reason. We feel the weight of a life bigger than our own.
We are constantly being told what to do, how to feel, and how to act.
Find freedom from pressure, expectations, or advice, even if for a moment.
If you’re deep in your feelings today, you may already know how to get yourself up, you don’t need more advice, you don’t need to feel pressured to do anything.
Just let yourself be…(if you want to)
This story was originally publish on Medium